Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
