4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
