I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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