I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
birth control should be required to get into college
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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