don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
