I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
