He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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