So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
