Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
