I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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