It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
