If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
