This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
