So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
