I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
