3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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