She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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