Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
