Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
