A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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