Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
