Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
