Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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