In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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