Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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