its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
