I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
