We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
