I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
