mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
