we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
