yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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