yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
