I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I believe in your delicious
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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