In the future we'll all be gay
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
