yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
