i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Will exercising make me less horny?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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