Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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