If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
