I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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