is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
