I just cut my nipple shaving
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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