Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
