I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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