It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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