There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
