Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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