Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
