I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
