Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
