We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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