why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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