she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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