i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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