I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
