i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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