you have to choose: penises or morals?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
