Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
where are my eyebrows?
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